Wherefore art thou, Career?

I blogged last spring about my realization that choral conducting was not my life’s ambition, and what a hard but liberating realization that was (and continues to be). Many months later, I’m still searching for my career. I have ideas, but no concrete answers. Recently, I began approaching my career evolution differently; rather than thinking of a long list of possible careers, which is overwhelming for me, I’m trying instead to think about what I like to do, what’s important to me, and what I’m good at doing. If I can identify my strengths, interests, and passions, than maybe I will be able to build a career around them. I’ve decided that life is both too short and too long to settle for spending many hours each week doing something to which I am not absolutely committed, and about which I am not passionate. But I am still wondering when and how my life’s calling is going to reveal itself to me. I am impatient, even as I realize that this is a journey, a process, and that all I can do is be open to whatever is coming. In this time of wondering, I am reading about areas of interest, talking to people, and hoping that at some point I make a connection that leads me onto the right path. I’m on a journey of faith, and I’m trying to keep believing that I will figure it all out eventually. Suggestions are most welcome!

In the meantime, I need to get back to work doing something. I’ve been applying for jobs, office jobs that I could definitely do, and I keep not getting them. It is discouraging. I realize that we’re still in a recession, and that for every position I apply for, I may be competing with huge numbers of candidates. Lots of folks are unemployed right now. Perhaps employers don’t want to hire someone with a master’s degree, even a master’s in music, to work for $10 an hour at their reception desk. I would happily do this for a while, mind you, but they probably guess that it will not be a long-term career for me. It’s hard to keep my spirits up. Husband works hard at his job (and enjoys it, thankfully), but there are lots of things that we just can’t do without a second income. Each time I say something like that, though, I feel like I need a serious attitude adjustment. I remind myself that we are very fortunate indeed to have a cute little house that we love and food on the table each night, among other important things. I do not mean to be ungrateful. I’m just a much happier, healthier, and more productive gal when I’m working. I don’t like not contributing financially to the household. I don’t like having to say no when charities I care about ask for help. Traveling, one of my greatest loves, has had to be completely curtailed. This is not the life I want to be living. I have never, ever aspired to be a housewife, and I’m really not a very good one anyway.

I’ve just got to keep at it. I’m going to keep applying for jobs, checking in with the temp agency I’ve registered with, and probably applying with another temp agency. The only solution is not to give up, one foot in front of the other each day, every day. Getting a job doing SOMETHING will ease my financial worries a bit, which I hope will free more of my brain to keep thinking creatively about the long-term. There must be a place for me, a career path where I can do something that matters to me and makes the world a better place. I’m waiting. Anytime now….